Steel Reserve, Miller High Life, Colt 45, Olde English, Mike's
Welcome back to Drinking Round the World. Because we're going to be live from the Flying Saucer tomorrow, we're all a little strapped on cash for our regular Saturday night review sessions. So we sent Rusty, our resident cheap beer guru, out to buy something that would fit our tight budget for the day. We had to get to them eventually, may as well be now. Let's take a look at what we have.
Steel Reserve
Country: USA
Miller High Life
Country: USA
Colt 45
Country: USA
Olde English 800
Country: USA
Mike's Hard Berry
Country: USA
Our first beer is Steel Reserve. I see this a lot around town at the convenience stores so it must be popular. Let's see how it stands up.
Fish: Ugh. This made my eyes water. It's got a slight apple flavor, but that's not a good thing here. That's pretty disgusting. 1 pint.
Gryphon: I could smell it when Fish opened it and I was 3 feet away. I want to go on record as saying I think this is a really bad idea.. Here goes nothing. *takes a drink* Wow. That actually tastes worse than it smells and it smells like something dead. Just terrible. There's a lot of flavor there, which is more than I can say about lite beers, but none of the flavor is good. 5 Bud Lites from me. Terrible.
Tserof: You guys are crazy. This isn't bad. It doesn't smell bad either. It smells like beer. It doesn't have a strong alcohol taste. I could drink a lot of this. 5 pints.
Mad Mike: It's not horrible. I've had worse. It beats a Bud anyway. I'll go with 5 pints as well.
Rusty: I've never had this but I have to say it's pretty good. I'd buy it. It's good and it's cheap. My two favorite things. 6 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Well, it's not as bad as the Coal Porter last week. But it's not very good either. I can't drink this. 3 Bud Lites.
Jalera: First, let me say that beer should not look like pee. Unfortunately, it tastes kind of like pee as well. Blech. How do you drink this stuff? 3 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 2.4
Woodchucker's Average: -3
Our next beer is Miller High Life. The can claims that it's the "Champagne of Beers". We shall see...
Fish: Champagne it isn't. It's extremely carbonated and it's very weak. Not impressive. 2 pints.
Gryphon: Any resemblance between this and champagne is purely coincidental. Hell, any resemblance between this and beer is coincidental too. Bad stuff. You should not be able to read a paper through the beer. Too light and way too thin. Nasty. 1 pint.
Tserof: It's smooth. It has no aftertaste. But the flavor's not very good. I want to like it, but I really can't. 3 pints I guess.
Mad Mike: This smells like the bathroom of a bar. It's got less flavor than the Steel Reserve. I could drink it, but not if something else is available. 3 pints.
Rusty: This isn't good. It's not cheap enough to be this bad. There's better out there for less. 3.5 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Ugh. That's worse than the last one. I've had champagne before and that's NOT champagne! 7 Bud Lites
Jalera: See, I didn't think it tasted as bad as the Steel Reserve. It wasn't good though. This one smells like pee too. 2 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 2.5
Woodchuckers' Average: -4.5
Next up is Colt 45. I used to sell a lot of this when I worked in that ghetto gas station a few years ago. I always wondered what it tasted like. The winos seemed to like it. Let's see what the drinkers think.
Fish: *holds nose while drinking* The smell is just foul. And the taste isn't much better. Ugh. I'm having to chase this with Miller just to get it down, and the Miller was pretty bad. It tastes like moldy bread. Just awful. 3 Bud Lites.
Gryphon: Oh my God. That's terrible. The aftertaste keeps on going. It's like the Energizer bunny of horrible aftertaste. 5 Bud Lites. Rusty, how the hell do you drink this?
Tserof: What's wrong with it? I wouldn't drink it every day, but it's not nearly as bad as you guys are making it out to be. I'd give it 3 pints.
Mad Mike: I think someone pissed in this one. Is it supposed to taste like this? Not very good. 1.5 pints.
Rusty: Well, it doesn't go really well with the Brie we're eating. I can say that. It's mostly harmless and it's cheap. I like cheap. 5 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: *Ash takes a drink and immediately sprints to the bathroom. We hear retching sounds coming from inside.* Ugh. I feel sick. That's the most horrid think I've ever had. 9 Bud Lites. Get it away from me. The smell is making me nauseous.
Jalera: It tastes like sewer water. Not that I ever drank sewer water, but I have to believe if I did, it'd taste like this. Bad. 2 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 0.3
Woodchuckers' Average: -5.5
Our last beer of the night is Olde English 800. I'm not sure what happened to Olde English 1-799. Let's see what our judges think.
Fish: It's ultra-carbonated but it's smooth. It's not a terrible beer. It would be a good fishing beer. Cheap and inoffensive. 3 pints from me.
Gryphon: It's less bad than the others, but it's still pretty bad. I guess it'd be a good fishing beer. It tastes kind of like fish were swimming in it. Still, compared to Colt 45, this is awesome. 1 pint.
Tserof: This is the best out of the ones we've done. It's smooth. The carbonation isn't horrible to me. I could happily get drunk on this one. 5.5 pints.
Mad Mike: I'd drink it. Yeah. Very drinkable. It's a good beer for the end of the month when you're picking change out of the sofa and need something cheap, but don't want something that will rot your taste buds like the Colt 45. I'll give it 5 pints.
Rusty: I'm keeping the bottle. This brings back good memories. Well, technically I can't remember most of my memories with Olde English, but what I do remember is good... 9.5 pints.
Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Ugh... You guys like this? I can't make it go away. Someone give me water. Blech. 6 Bud Lites.
Jalera: *Jalera's review was not available at time of writing and will be supplied later.*
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 4.8
Woodchuckers' Average: -6
Our final review tonight is our attempt to throw a bone to the Woodchuckers. Every week they come here and make sour faces for our amusement. They don't like beer and we know they don't, but we have them drink it anyway and laugh at the results. Tonight, Ashlynne asked that she be allowed to pick out something to review. We agreed as long as it was alcoholic. Her choice was Mike's Hard Berry. She's never tried it but she's a big fan of the Mike's Limeade. Let's see what happens when the tables turn.
Ashlynne: Now this is more like it. I'm keeping this one. Wonderful berry flavor. It's not as good as the lime, but it's good. I give it 8 pints.
Fish: Hold on now. I agreed to this whole "review the girly drink" stuff, but I refuse to put a pint rating on this. What else can we use?"
Gryphon: We could use little umbrellas.
Fish: That works.
Jalera: I've never had Mike's before. This is good. Very sweet. I like it. 9 little umbrellas.
The Drinkers
Fish: It tastes like slightly sour cherry kool-aid. But it's not bad for what it is. 6 little umbrellas from me.
Gryphon: I admit to being a fan of Mike's Limeade. This one's not that, but it's good. Very berry-ish. It's a great date drink. It's got most of the alcohol of a beer, but it doesn't have the taste. It's an excellent "get in the pants" drink... 8 little umbrellas for this one.
Tserof: Yuck. The cherry taste in this is awful. I hate cherries. I'd rather just buy a mixed drink. 2 little umbrellas.
Mad Mike: I wish I could have this over shaved ice. It tastes like a snowcone. Pretty good. 7 little umbrellas.
Rusty: Very smooth. I get no alcohol taste at all. You could drink a lot of this before you knew you were drunk. 7.5 little umbrellas.
Final Tally
Woodchuckers' Average: 8.5
Drinkers' Average: 6.1
That's all for this week. Despite some pretty skunky beer, we made it through. Next time it's Nashville and an on-location report from the Flying Saucer. See you then.
Steel Reserve
Country: USA
Miller High Life
Country: USA
Colt 45
Country: USA
Olde English 800
Country: USA
Mike's Hard Berry
Country: USA
Our first beer is Steel Reserve. I see this a lot around town at the convenience stores so it must be popular. Let's see how it stands up.
Fish: Ugh. This made my eyes water. It's got a slight apple flavor, but that's not a good thing here. That's pretty disgusting. 1 pint.
Gryphon: I could smell it when Fish opened it and I was 3 feet away. I want to go on record as saying I think this is a really bad idea.. Here goes nothing. *takes a drink* Wow. That actually tastes worse than it smells and it smells like something dead. Just terrible. There's a lot of flavor there, which is more than I can say about lite beers, but none of the flavor is good. 5 Bud Lites from me. Terrible.
Tserof: You guys are crazy. This isn't bad. It doesn't smell bad either. It smells like beer. It doesn't have a strong alcohol taste. I could drink a lot of this. 5 pints.
Mad Mike: It's not horrible. I've had worse. It beats a Bud anyway. I'll go with 5 pints as well.
Rusty: I've never had this but I have to say it's pretty good. I'd buy it. It's good and it's cheap. My two favorite things. 6 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Well, it's not as bad as the Coal Porter last week. But it's not very good either. I can't drink this. 3 Bud Lites.
Jalera: First, let me say that beer should not look like pee. Unfortunately, it tastes kind of like pee as well. Blech. How do you drink this stuff? 3 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 2.4
Woodchucker's Average: -3
Our next beer is Miller High Life. The can claims that it's the "Champagne of Beers". We shall see...
Fish: Champagne it isn't. It's extremely carbonated and it's very weak. Not impressive. 2 pints.
Gryphon: Any resemblance between this and champagne is purely coincidental. Hell, any resemblance between this and beer is coincidental too. Bad stuff. You should not be able to read a paper through the beer. Too light and way too thin. Nasty. 1 pint.
Tserof: It's smooth. It has no aftertaste. But the flavor's not very good. I want to like it, but I really can't. 3 pints I guess.
Mad Mike: This smells like the bathroom of a bar. It's got less flavor than the Steel Reserve. I could drink it, but not if something else is available. 3 pints.
Rusty: This isn't good. It's not cheap enough to be this bad. There's better out there for less. 3.5 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Ugh. That's worse than the last one. I've had champagne before and that's NOT champagne! 7 Bud Lites
Jalera: See, I didn't think it tasted as bad as the Steel Reserve. It wasn't good though. This one smells like pee too. 2 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 2.5
Woodchuckers' Average: -4.5
Next up is Colt 45. I used to sell a lot of this when I worked in that ghetto gas station a few years ago. I always wondered what it tasted like. The winos seemed to like it. Let's see what the drinkers think.
Fish: *holds nose while drinking* The smell is just foul. And the taste isn't much better. Ugh. I'm having to chase this with Miller just to get it down, and the Miller was pretty bad. It tastes like moldy bread. Just awful. 3 Bud Lites.
Gryphon: Oh my God. That's terrible. The aftertaste keeps on going. It's like the Energizer bunny of horrible aftertaste. 5 Bud Lites. Rusty, how the hell do you drink this?
Tserof: What's wrong with it? I wouldn't drink it every day, but it's not nearly as bad as you guys are making it out to be. I'd give it 3 pints.
Mad Mike: I think someone pissed in this one. Is it supposed to taste like this? Not very good. 1.5 pints.
Rusty: Well, it doesn't go really well with the Brie we're eating. I can say that. It's mostly harmless and it's cheap. I like cheap. 5 pints.
The Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: *Ash takes a drink and immediately sprints to the bathroom. We hear retching sounds coming from inside.* Ugh. I feel sick. That's the most horrid think I've ever had. 9 Bud Lites. Get it away from me. The smell is making me nauseous.
Jalera: It tastes like sewer water. Not that I ever drank sewer water, but I have to believe if I did, it'd taste like this. Bad. 2 Bud Lites.
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 0.3
Woodchuckers' Average: -5.5
Our last beer of the night is Olde English 800. I'm not sure what happened to Olde English 1-799. Let's see what our judges think.
Fish: It's ultra-carbonated but it's smooth. It's not a terrible beer. It would be a good fishing beer. Cheap and inoffensive. 3 pints from me.
Gryphon: It's less bad than the others, but it's still pretty bad. I guess it'd be a good fishing beer. It tastes kind of like fish were swimming in it. Still, compared to Colt 45, this is awesome. 1 pint.
Tserof: This is the best out of the ones we've done. It's smooth. The carbonation isn't horrible to me. I could happily get drunk on this one. 5.5 pints.
Mad Mike: I'd drink it. Yeah. Very drinkable. It's a good beer for the end of the month when you're picking change out of the sofa and need something cheap, but don't want something that will rot your taste buds like the Colt 45. I'll give it 5 pints.
Rusty: I'm keeping the bottle. This brings back good memories. Well, technically I can't remember most of my memories with Olde English, but what I do remember is good... 9.5 pints.
Woodchuckers
Ashlynne: Ugh... You guys like this? I can't make it go away. Someone give me water. Blech. 6 Bud Lites.
Jalera: *Jalera's review was not available at time of writing and will be supplied later.*
Final Tally
Drinkers' Average: 4.8
Woodchuckers' Average: -6
Our final review tonight is our attempt to throw a bone to the Woodchuckers. Every week they come here and make sour faces for our amusement. They don't like beer and we know they don't, but we have them drink it anyway and laugh at the results. Tonight, Ashlynne asked that she be allowed to pick out something to review. We agreed as long as it was alcoholic. Her choice was Mike's Hard Berry. She's never tried it but she's a big fan of the Mike's Limeade. Let's see what happens when the tables turn.
Ashlynne: Now this is more like it. I'm keeping this one. Wonderful berry flavor. It's not as good as the lime, but it's good. I give it 8 pints.
Fish: Hold on now. I agreed to this whole "review the girly drink" stuff, but I refuse to put a pint rating on this. What else can we use?"
Gryphon: We could use little umbrellas.
Fish: That works.
Jalera: I've never had Mike's before. This is good. Very sweet. I like it. 9 little umbrellas.
The Drinkers
Fish: It tastes like slightly sour cherry kool-aid. But it's not bad for what it is. 6 little umbrellas from me.
Gryphon: I admit to being a fan of Mike's Limeade. This one's not that, but it's good. Very berry-ish. It's a great date drink. It's got most of the alcohol of a beer, but it doesn't have the taste. It's an excellent "get in the pants" drink... 8 little umbrellas for this one.
Tserof: Yuck. The cherry taste in this is awful. I hate cherries. I'd rather just buy a mixed drink. 2 little umbrellas.
Mad Mike: I wish I could have this over shaved ice. It tastes like a snowcone. Pretty good. 7 little umbrellas.
Rusty: Very smooth. I get no alcohol taste at all. You could drink a lot of this before you knew you were drunk. 7.5 little umbrellas.
Final Tally
Woodchuckers' Average: 8.5
Drinkers' Average: 6.1
That's all for this week. Despite some pretty skunky beer, we made it through. Next time it's Nashville and an on-location report from the Flying Saucer. See you then.
posted by Gryphon at 8:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home